Nny, We barely knew ye!
Once again, another spoof by Oni-chan ^_^
Setting:A Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comic book.
Timeline:...?
"This is definately the strangest alternate universe we've ever been hurled into." Tenshi stared, wide-eyed, at the dramatic black and white scenery.
"This is so cool!!!" Oni-chan smiled wickedly "No, this is better than 'cool'! This is paradise!!!"
"Aughh!" the angel screamed, jumping back as a mutilated corpse was thrown out of the front door of a creepy looking house.
"Party favors!"
Tenshi glared at Oni, who's smile of glee quickly faded.
"Mabey we should get out of here."
"I've gotta meet that guy!!!"
"I see doom a commin'!" Tenshi moaned, following her freind up to the front door.
The demon rang the doorbell.
"Hum. It must be broken." she shrugged when it made an odd zapping sound.
"GET IN HERE!!!" two claw-like hands grabbed her, jerking her into the house, and slamed the door shut.
***
"Um... do I know you?" Oni eyed the shadowy figure that circled her.
"I doubt it." he looked at her thoughtfully.
"Um...I'm Oni-chan...and you?"
"Mt name is Johnny-you can call me 'Nny' for short."
"Oh. Well hello there...Nny...can I help you...with something? "
"If you want."
"Apathetic fellow aren't ya?" [give me a break, I'm from the south and I'm cute ^.~] "...Would you please stop looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like THAT! Like I'm a mouse and you're some kind of rabid cat...weasil...furry thingie..."
"Oh, that look. I'm just going to kill you. Beleive me, I hate to ruin your day here. We've had a nice little conversation but I need your blood."
"You some kind of vampire with syphillis or something?"
"Please, do be kind and die cleanly. I just shampooed the throw rugs." he said, throwing a hooked blade at her.
It barely missed.
"What the hell did I ever do to you?" Oni shouted from her refuge behind the couch.
"Nothing yet." he pulled the knife from the wall and walked around the couch towards her.
They circled it a few times before he finally caught her.
"What about my freind Tenshi?"
"What about her?"
"She's waiting for me outside."
"Oh? How rude of us to keep her waiting!" He let go of her and put the knife away. "Come, walk with me, talk with me, divulge the details quickly..."
"You're one crazy fuck, Nny." she took the arm he offered her "But hey, I'm no model citizen either. So humanity sucks ass, don't you think?"
***
"Hello? Helllllooooo?" the blonde stood alone on the doorstep, stunned. Just as she was about to sit down, the door opened again suddenly and she was jerked into the hell hole.
***
The room she was standing in was dark and smelled faintly of blood.
"I'm Johnny, but you can call me 'Nny' for short." a voice announced. Tenshi realized that it was comming from a skinny guy standing a few feet away from her.
"I'm...Um...Tenshi...Where's Oni?"
"Hi!!!" the brunette waved to her from the couch "Join me you two! Oh, Tenshi, don't get that look on your face! Nny's actually very nice!"
"Your idea of nice is the kind of person who gives you a neck rub before they gut you with a spoork!"
"And Nny's just that kind of guy! He even gave me the rest of his cheery fizwiz ^_^"
He was now sitting next to the demon, in front of the telivsion. Tenshi reluctantly joined them, sitting on Nny's other side. He smiled psychotically at her for several minutes.
"Apricot?" Oni atempted to break the uneasy silence by offering the dried fruit from a plastic baggy. [They're good for you! ~.~]
***
"So what do you think?" Nny asked, comming up behind Oni-chan.
She held the cominc in one hand and wiped her eyes with the other.
"I can so relate to this guy!"
"Ah! A soul mate!" he hugged her.
"Don't hug me! Don't hug me!"
"You feel my anguish!!"
"Poor Johnny." she gave him a freindly pat on the head.
"Then I won't kill you....but your freind...I'm afraid I'll have to chop her up into little bite sized morsels. I'm in the mood for sushi."
"Nny! Don't you dare! I'm sure she'll make a much better companion for nail-bunny!
"I have to do it! I need to do it!"
"Okay." she grabbed his shirt colar and kissed him.
"Wrong it!" he freaked.
"What are you two doing?!" Tenshi barged in.
"Nothing...thanks to you...." Oni mumbled.
***
"Oh Holy Father! Hear my prayers! PLease send someone to rescue us! Oni-chan's completely flipped for this guy who wants to kill me!! He has people tied up in the basement! He talks to a dead bunny he nailed to the wall. I can't handel two of them!!"
"I must get the name of his decorator-what the...Tenshi?!" Derf walked throught the front door.
"Derf!" she jumped up to hug him "Vesper!" she hugged her boyfreind's best freind. "God sent you to save us!!"
"From what?" Vesper shrugged.
"Guess what Tenshi!!!" Oni-chan burst in smileing "Nny and me...hey! That rhymes!"
"We're getting married!" Nny finished for her.
"OH GOD!" Tenshi droped to her knees and rasied her hands toward heaven "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!"
"Oh my God! I've seen you before! This is so cool!!" Derf grew excited [not that way you pervs!] "Let's go run over some little kids in a stolen MAC truck!" Vesper sugested.
"Okay! Bye honey! Be back!!"
She stared blankly as they ran off, then turned to look at the psychotic couple.
"Oh God...I won't live till tommorow..."
***
"Hey Tenshi!" Oni-chan sighed, floping down on the couch next to her freind "What's up? Where is everybody?"
"They all went to the 24-7 to get one of those cherry ice thingies." the angel answered in a weak voice.
"You know, Tenshi-la, if you don't mind my saying so, you don't look so good...you don't smell so good either. When did you sleep last? When did you shower last?"
"No way! Nuh-uh! I'm not getting undressed in his bathroom! He probably has cameras hidden in there or something. No naked, no shower, no way!!"
"For heaven's sake! Get with the program! The camera isn't in the bathroom, it's in the telivision set!"
Tenshi started screaming wildly and trying to climb the walls. [Paranoia??-.-]
"Calm down!" Onipleaded with her "I was only jokeing! There aren't any cameras!! Honest!"
"Why you little twit!!" [Uh-oh. Here she goes ~.~] "I ought to break my foot off in your ass for this whole mess! First, you get us dropped here in monotone HELL! Then, you decide to move in with a murdering nuttcase who, incedently, WANTS MY BLOOD!!! I go along with it, thinking we'd be out of here in a few days but you couldn't make it that simple could you? Oh no! You decide to MARRY this freak and, I imagine, you two are going to mock me by spawning a legion of little maniacs in order to bring about armegedon!!! Of course you will! Why wouldn't you?! You're just as crazy as he is!! That's why I can't sleep in this house! One of you will loose it and knock me off while I'm frolicking in a feild of clover in dreamland! Nail Bunny keeps stareing at me!!! I KNOW that look! He has ungentalmenly intentions!!!"
"I'm getting the impression that you have some pent up hostility towards Nny. Don't worry! No matter what, you'll always be a sister to me! Wanna borrow my yoga video?"
"AUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
***
"We're back!" Derf anounced, comming through the front door.
"Mmphff!!" Tenshi answered affectionately.
"Where's Oni-chan?" [awww ^_^ they care!] "Did she do this? I'm gonna kill her!" [Sure. Pick on the satanic people. We're easy targets. ~.~]
"Mhfmp!"
"How did I know?"
[Because I'm predictable, Sherlock.]
"I'm right here!" the before mentioned minon of Hades came out of the kitchen.
Vesper tried to untie the angel's gag while Derf worked on the straight jacket. Johnny just stood in the corner observently. drinking a cherry brainfreezy.
"Why did you tie Tenshi up?" Derf demended, unbucleing the last strap. [That sentence could be so wrong if taken out of context]
"She just started screaming. I'm not sure why, but she wouldn't stop. It was kindof anoying."
"HOLA!!!" a great cry sounded from the entrence.
Kristina, Diane and Miriah were standing there smileing.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"Well, the omnipresent author of this sick little tale [That's me folks!^_^] told us that you're engaged! Congratulations!" Kristina explained.
"Okay! This has gone far enough!" Johnny finally spoke up. "Oni-chan, I like you, you're a freak of nature and I love that about you, it's one of the characteristics I'll always cherish, but if your freinds keep comming into my house like this, it won't work. Before long I'd disembowel one of them! I'm sorry...I've just broken up with you...that is all."
"Okay Nny. If you feel that way. PARTYAT MY HOUSE!!!"
"She's takeing this well." Diane wispered to Miriah.
"Alright! PARTY!" She responded [obviously feeling my inner dispair]
***
"Are you sure you're alright, Oni?" Tenshi asked, paying for her cookie and takeing a seat on a mall bench.
"I'll survive." she shrugged apathetically. leaning against a photo booth, hands in her pockets.
"You're just so...calm."
"I've been thinking.-pondering my my existance, my pourpose for being here. What minute part do I play in the order of the cosmos? Mabey I've been selfishly wasteing my life. There's so much I could do for others...asumeing I could muster the will to give a shit..."
"Wow, Oni. You're either getting more mature, or really depressed."
"Chances are I'm just a bi-polar looney."
"Nonsense! Everything is up hill from here! Your life will take on a newer, more enriched meaning because of this past experience! Don't worry! The sun will shi-"
"DID YOU SEE THAT GUY?! THE ONE WITH THE BLACK TRENCHCOAT AND CHAINS?! WHAT A TUSH!!"
"-ne again and you'll flee into the arms of darkness in order to escape the light. Oni-chan, you're nothing if not consistant."
"CHECK OUT HIS FREIND! LEATHER! I LOVE LEATHER!"
~*OWARI*~
DEDICATED TO:
~Cheese. Because I don't feel the love for individualy wrapped slices.
~The empolies of all the places my minons and I frequent. I MOCK YOU!
~But most of all, I dedicate this ill-begotten peice of literature to the voices inside my head-Without whom it would be much harder to tie my shoes and fulfill my destiny as a masked super hero!
Love ya, Pete, Berneice, Sasha, Mohamed 1 and 2, and the rest of the gang!
[Shoot. Now my eyes are gettin' all misty.]
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