"I come to visit for the summer Oni-chan, and what happens." Auracat looks at the badly drawn landscape. "I get sucked into another dimension. What have you been doing while I was gone?"
"Nothin'." Oni gave her an innocent smile.
"Yeah. And that's why I had to rescue you from the Anti-christ whom, i noticed, was periodicaly makeing love to your leg."
"He did not!...did he?"
Auracat rolls her eyes as they continue walking. As they walk past a school the bell rings.
"Look out! The flood of URCHINS!" Aura did a duck rolls a cover into some bushes.
Oni-chan, however was not as quick to think, and was bombarded by the tide of tiny totts. (That's claled "rhetoric", folks...i think...)
"Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"
"Get OVER here!" Aura grabbed her collar and pulled her to safety in the bushes.
"My hero." the shorter of teh 2 hugged her rescuer.
"You're just one blossomin' lesbian, aren't you?"
"No."
"Ok. Let's go!. I think they're all about gone."
As she raised her head from the foliadge, she spotted a little green boy and a little black-clad boy.
"You'll regret comming to Earth, Zim! For I shall be the comming of your zimmie...zim...doom zimminess." The one that wasn't green shouted to his compatriot.
"Aw look!" aura rushed over to the two them in full kawaiiness. "They're so cute!" she bends down and pats the green one on the head.
"Augck!" he screetched "Human stibk-beast! You dare touch the mighty Zim?!"
"He's not cute!" the human one objected, "Can't you see? He's a hideous alien!! He belongs on an autopsy tabel! Nobody beleives me, but I knoooooow! I knooow!"
"He's like a little Johnny, ne?" Oni started to poke him in the head.
"Hey, stop that."
"Sorry."
"He's my favorite colour!" aura was refering to Zim.
"It's a SKIN CONDITION!" Zim yelled spasticly.
"Awwww, you keep telling yourself that." Aura crooned and ruffled Zim's toupe. "Such a cute little alien." Oni-chan pats Zim's head too.
"Skin condition. Ha!" Dib scoffed. "I looked it up! There IS no such skin condition!"
"Why must I be persecuted so for my diffrences?" Zim faigned tears. Both girls tried to comfort him while he shot his enemy "ha ha" looks.
Zim's eyes widens and he gasps.
***
"You!" He grabs Oni's arms by the wrist a literaly drags her away at almost light speed. Aura rolls her eyes and follows casualy.
"Where are we going, little green moon child?" Oni queried, stumbling to keep up with him.
"To my lair!" he answered, dragging her into a house, past an android ina green dog suit, and down the...toilet?
***
Aura walked up to the odd looking house and opens the door. She is greeted by a chipper mechanical voice.
"Hi! I'm GIR!"
"Green dog, green kid. Hey, it works." Aura replied.
"Er...can I come in?"
"Okiee!" the dog sat on the couch an dturned the television on. A snarling monkey appeared. "I love this show."
"Uh yeah. Did you see a little guy drag in a pale chick?"
"I don't knoooow."
He proceded to pull a cup cake from his butt compartment and eat it. "I miss you cupcake."
"Well, now I've seen everything." Aura quiped, sitting beside the creature. Meanwhile...
***
"This is the second time I've been tied up this frickin' week."
"Do not be angry with me. As soon as I got a good look at you, I recognized you, do younot know me?"
"Not really."
"Oh, Great Irkin Queen Mother! How you crush my squeddilyspooch with your words."
"What's a squeedilyspooch?"
"No need to play games with me, I know who you are!...Mommy."
"Great. First the Anti-christ, and now this." She looked to the heavens. "You really don't like me do you?"
***
aura winced as she watched the telivsion. "Ugh, that's disgusting!" she stuck her tongue out. GIR just stared dumbly and ate on his cupcake. "I'm going to regret this but...You got another one of those?"
"Suuure!" he pulled out another one and handed it to her.
"Thanks." aura nibbled on it. "Not bad, make it yourse...what the hell am I saying?"
"GIR!" Zim's voice shouted after the flushing of a toilet.
"Yes Master!"
"Bring me...*dramatic pause*...a blankie!" he ordered before returning to the unknown bowels below with another flush.
"This I've gotta see." Aura grinnned with girlhood delight.
***
"Please, Mommy? It's fresh from the dryer!" Zim pleaded.
"No!"
"Oh, Mommy! Hold me, I feel niglected."
"Go away."
"I remeber the first time I saw you...I knew right away you were my maternal being and I tried to hug you then..." he twitched spasmatically.
"I asked nicly, no please, GO AWAY!"
"Oh the horror! Thos egrimey human worm babies have brainwashed you! Do not fear, Great Irkin Mommy, Zim is here now."
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU OVERGROWN SLUG!!"
"This is so cool!" aura pushed a few buttons at random.
"NOOOO!" Zim screeched and rushed over to the excited hacker as her hand wavered over a big red button labeled self destruct. "Do you have ANY idea what that button will do!" He grabbed her arm. She lifted it up making Zim dangle in the air. "Gee, I dunno. Self-destruct?" She rolled her eyes.
"Run for your lives!" Dib suddenly darted from the sadows.
Aura droped the alien and they all ran for the toilet-exit.
As they scrambled into th eyard, a little pop was heard comming from the house.
"My lair!!" Zim screeched.
"Let's book it!" Oni started to run.
"You will hear from me, deceitful Irkin Momma! We will met again! Tommorow in fact! At Fourteen-sixty-three o' clock to be exact!!"
"Bored. So bored." Oni-chan staered blankly at the office clock.
"Are you still here?" An office attendant suddenly took notice of her.
"I'm still waiting for an assignment, Ma'm."
"What assignment?"
"My mom voulenteered me."
"For what?"
"Summer school teachers aide, Ialready told you four times before, lady, can I please just have my assignment so I can waste my summer and get it over with?"
"Whatever."
***
"Um...hi...Mrz. Bitters." Oni stood at the classroom doorway with dread.
"Come in and take your seat." the creepy old lady croaked.
Oni obeyed nervously, sitting in the only empty desk available, right in front of the teacher's desk.
"Class, this is Oni-chan, sh ewill be our class aide for the remainder of your summer. Why don't you give her the traditional greeting?"
On cue, a cloud of spit balls, staples, and ruberbands decended upon her head.
"Charming." was her stoic reply.
"Oni-chan, do you still make a mockery of th eEnglish langueage in that little notebook of yours?" Mrz. Bitters continued her torment.
"Yes, I still write stories and stuff. Why?"
"Class, this is a classic example of a wasted future. Oni-chan here, has spent countless increments of her pathetic life putting words on paper, words that mean nothing!"
"They mean someting to me!" Oni objected, gtting angry.
"Hsssssss...I remeber when you were in my class, years ago, you and your creativity, always scribbleing, scribbling that that rediculous little book. I knew you would be a loser thn, and I can see now that I was right. Your life will abount to nothing! Nothing...nothing...nothing..."
***
"...Nothing...nothing...noth-"
*RING*
"School's over. Leave." Mrz. Bitters instructed, moveing as a shodow to her desk.
"Finally!" Oni stood stifly, stretching. Suddenly, sh efelt something brushing against her leg.
"Oh, Grrrrreat Ir-kin Mommmmmmmmieeeeee."
"Zim!" She shreiked, jumping several feet into the air "What are you doing here?"
"I told you we would met again."
Something brushed against her other leg and she realized that Dib was standing there, opposite his arch enemy.
"The gang's all here." she muttered, walking off toward the parking lot. A shuffle of feet followed close behind her. Upon reaching her mother's mini-van, she chanced a look. Sure enough both boys wer standing there, stareing up at her.
"What do you kids want?"
"Loooouve..." the little green boy jumped into her arms and snuggled against her.
"Dib?" she waited to hear his response.
"Are you really Zim'z Mom?"
"If I say 'yes', will you both go away."
"...yessssss..." they chimed in with a hesitant tone.
"Okay, yeah, I'm the Mighty Irkin Invader Queen. Now bet it. I have stuff to do." she droped Zim and proceded to get into the driver's seat and rev up the engine. She fastened her seat belt and adjusted the rear view mirror. Two seat-belted figures were reflected from the back seat.
"Now what do you want?...and how did you do that? I didn't hear you-"
"May I examine you?" Dib interupted, clinching the back of her seat in anticipation.
"No."
"Can I have a hug?" Zim did his best to look cute.
"No."
"Pleeeeeeeeease?" they chimed once again.
"What is with you two? It's just freaky! You guys are total enemies, abut you unite to bug me! Get out of my car, both of you! NOW!"
Evidently her speech invoked no fear in either of them, for they continued to sit there, motionless and wide eyed.
"Fine." she turned back around and backed out of her parking space. This acomplished, she pushed a tape into the player and turned up the volume a bit. "You like John Denver?"
"Yes. It is deliciousssssss..." Zim replied eagerly.
"He's a folk singer from the 1960's..or something like that, you don't eat him.
"Folk?" he continued to ponder.
"Well, Dib, you haven't spewed any acusations of extra terrestrial herritage or oorly orcestrated threats or schemes this whole time. What gives?" (When I get tired I use big words that don't make much sense. Go figure.)
"Where are we going?" the miniture scientist blurted.
"Where no one can hear your screams." Oni tightened her grip on the steering wheel and grinned an evil grin with small, white, serated teeth. (I also get a little cranky.)
"Hey! Stop here!" Dib instructed.
Oni played along, hopeing this would be his stop. To her dismay, a squinty-eyed girl in purple got in.
"Do I have 'Day Care' tatooed on my forehead or something? Oni-chan raged, kicking into gear.
***
"Get in." Oni blantly ordered AuraCat, as she approached teh light blue mini-van parked in her driveway.
"I thought you were an aide for the summer, not public transportation." Aura chuckled, glanceing at the rear of the vehicle, where Zim, Dib, and Gaz sat, happily muching on happy meals.
"Get in." Oni repeated, stareing straight ahead.
"Okaaaaay...why?"
"I need someone to sit here and look inoccent while I kill small children and feast on their souls. (See. I told you. Cranky.)
"Oh, is that all?"
"I'm not ment to be a mother, Aura, I cannot concieve a child, carry it in my womb for nine months, and then give birth to it and be forced to listen to it's incestant chatter for the next eighteen years. It just won't happen. I'll self-destruct!!"
"Destruction is nice." Zim quipped between handfulls of french fries.
"I'm sorry I ever...hatche dyou or whatever.
"Oooh, my squeedilyspooch!" he whined.
"I'm going to flip out. I'm going to loose it. Blood will be spilt!"
"Look! It's the Mother Ship!!" Auraexclaimed, bounding from the vehicle and pointing.
Dib and Zim took the bate, doing the same, looking frantically at the sky.
"FLOOR IT!!" Aura shouted, jumping back into her seat and slamming the door as Oni-chan took off.
"Yes!!" the two partners in the proverbial crime exchanged a high five, once they were a safe distance away.
"Perfect execution!" Oni cheered.
"Ahem." They looked at each other for a moment before looking back towards the sound. Gaz was still there. "Drop me off at the corner."
"Well, almost perfect." AuraCat smirked.
***
"Thanks for the help AuraCat, couldn't have done it without ya."
Oni and Aura said their good-byes for the day.
"Hey, what's all those lights?" Aura sheilded her eyes from the brightness.
*screen is flooded out with erie white light*
Our heros regain conciousness...strapped to autopsy tables...someplace weird.
"Dib or Zim?" Oni asked her companion.
"My guess is Dib."
"Yeah, I thought so too."
"Ah, humans, you're awake." two...diffrent...aliens floated into the room atop streamlined, space-age wheel chairs.
"You remind me of a cricket." Aura giggled.
"Silenc! We are a superior race! We can do many bad things to you!"
"Yeeeeeeah, Ba-by!" she hooted "Common' you guys, lose the dorky costumes! You're not fooling anyone, Dib."
"Hey, are you the guys with the chickens?" Oni spurted a question.
"Why yes! How did you discover this information?!"
"I...just know..."
"That's it! She must be given a kellzonian scan! I do not understand this!"
"Big suprise there." Aura dissed.
The alien began to poke Oni-chan studiously.
"But nothing survives a kellzonian scan! All that's left is jelly and teeth!" she protested.
"How do you know this? Have you been abducted before?" her captor was beyond bewildered. (rhetoric again!)
"I... read this comic book....by this guy..."
"Come on, Oni, are you falling for this? Aura, somehow, was still not getting it. (Funny, that's usually my role. Mabey they tookout a chunk of brain or something while we were out.)
"Um...yes. Yes I am."
"Prepare th eprobe, the head alien instructed.
As Oni's tabel was wheeled into the operating....or whatever, room, she could still hear AuraCat's laughter.
"Relax human. This will hurt you much."
And somehow, at that moment, all she could think was: "Whaddaya know? Squee was right. There are aliens."
*~FIN/OWARI~*
|
|
