Oni-chan Goes to College!
A spoof by Oni-chan
timeline: 2002-2004 A.D.
setting: right here
"Oh, this is going to be fun!" Oni-chan hugged her books tightly to her chest and smiled, feeling very grown-up. For her college education, much thought had been put into finding exactly the right location. This was it: Ol' Spanky's College of Design. It was a small campus with elegant Victorian-style buldings. The perfect enviroment to spark creativity! She felt inspired already. A group of fasion design students brushed past her, chitterning away about a benefit show that was comming up. A tear came to Oni's eye as she watched them together, lonesome for her own gal pals at home.
"Get a grip on yourself! You'll see them tonite!"
It was true. Part of the wonderous charm of Ol' Spanky U was that it was only an hour away from home. Oni took a deep breath and muttered a well-rehersed pep talk to herself. Interior architecture was her first class.
"Here you go now. Your first official step towards adulthood. From here on out, you're your own person. You make all your own decisions and you pay your own bills. Independence tastes sweet!! You can do this, Oni-chan! You can do this!"
The soles of her high heeled suede boots clicked upon the coble-stone floor. The room was full of newcommers just like herself. She was concious, suddenly, of their eyes turned towards her, apraiseing her as both a future classmate and a future competitor. She was concious of the bright, blinding lights overhead and the large, pea green drafting tables. They mocked her! She was concious of the music pounding in her headphones:...felt like shit, like a bowel movement, have you seen my will to live, becasue I seem to have lost it...
"Well, that's nice." she remarked aloud, taking her seat in the corner, next to a spiraling, cast-iron, staircase. A door slammed somewhere in the back of the room and a woman, probably in her early fifties, entered the room. She smiled, ready to don her role as Proffesor Q.P. Porter.
"Welcome to my class students. I'm aware that this is the first class many of you have attened as college freshmen. You are going to learn a lot this symester. I hope all of you have the balls to keep up. Now, I know what all of you are thinking. College can be intimidateing and scary at first. But so far, so good, right?"
"If only you knew that I'm actually curseing myself for wearing a thong today." Oni thought inwardly, doing her best to ignore the wegie-like sensation.
"Now, on that positive note, you can count on the fact that this first day will probably reflect the attitude for the next four years here at Ol' Spankey."
"JESUS CHRIST!" Oni-chan blurted.
*To Be Continued*
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